Welcome, to my stoned ramblings.

Three years ago I started dabbling in fine cannabis. 

or

My mental health hit an all time low three years ago and I found solace in smoking the devils lettuce.

Yeah, that one. 

I don't mean I found ganja for the first time three years ago. I think I was 15 the first time I got baked. But it was three years ago that we finally had legal dispensaries and I didn't fear losing my kids over a little plant matter and started using regularly.

Like I said, my mental health was also in the fuck-it-bucket. Antidepressants made it so I could get out of bed and function, but they didn't make me feel "happy." It's such a common misconception in society that Prozac is a happy pill. It's quite the opposite really. It's more of a depressed-and-want-to-die-but-don't-really-want-to-die-so-I-need-some-chemical-support-to-make-me-get-out-of-bed-and-shower-and-feed-my-kids. Well, for me anyway. 

Prozac, Lexapro, Pristiq. Pick your potion. They help, do not get me wrong. I am such a proponent for mental health meds. But I also think recognizing their use and limitations is also vital. 

You can't pop an SSRI and feel happy. It takes weeks for the meds to start working and then, how I describe it, is like the dark, stormy cloud lifts and the rain stops. You can walk outside without getting soaking wet. But it doesn't mean the sun is shining. If you have been depressed I am sure you know exactly what I mean.

When my dad died suddenly and unexpectedly in 2019 my entire world stopped spinning. I fell into a billion little pieces. I was very close to my father and he left a hole the size of Africa when he left this world far too soon. My grief was all consuming. Hours turned into days and days turned into weeks and weeks into months. To make matters worse I lost both my 8 year old cat and my 14 year old dog within 6 months of my dad. It felt like the world was out to get me.  I finally sought out help after months of not being able to function. 

Antidepressants helped me get out of bed, and cannabis gave me small glimpes of happiness back. It was the only thing that helped turn off the grief long enough to notice that the sun was poking through behind the clouds.

I became a daily toker within about 6 months. And like most stoners I find my thoughts going every which way and I get into deep thinking zones. That's when I had the idea to write my inner ramblings because A) I think I can be entertaining, even if I only entertain myself and B) Usually everyone is asleep and I have no one to share these random thoughts with.

I have thought about creating this blog for months and after the last three tarot pulls (yeah, I'm also one of those crazy witchy girls) bitched at me to stop dragging my feet on ideas I've had I am actually going to pull the proverbial trigger.

So, hi. If you're new to seeing me around social media my name is Jena. I live in a small village, yes really, in rural Michigan with my husband of 18 years. We have three children (b12, b15, g17) and I homeschool my sons. We have a house full of fur, chaos, cuss words and love. If you stick around, I hope you find a little bit of happiness here.

xoxo

The CannaBish